(Big Ten Inch) Record

Q:  Who just nailed a set of six incline dumbbell presses with 115 lbs. this past weekend?

Funny story.  Keep in mind, this isn’t 115 total; this is a pair of 115-lb. dumbbells.  Anyway, I hit the 100-lb. mark last week, which was a personal record for me.  The fact that I was able to do a set of 8 told me that I could go higher, so I thought I’d increase whatever the next increment was.

It turns out that the increments by which the dumbbells increase in weight at the gym I use are less than consistent.  For the most part, it goes up in five-pound increments (20, then 25, then 30, etc.).  This is true until you get to 90 lbs., after which the next increment is 100 lbs.  Having never played in this range before, I had no idea before I went into this that the next weight is 115 lbs., which is the second heaviest in the gym.  (The next highest is 120 lbs., which means that I officially just don’t get it.) 

So, I’m looking at the 100s, then move over to the right to where the next increment is, and lo and behold, if I’m to follow through on my now dubious plan, I have to jump up 15 lbs.  I ask the biggest guy in the place to spot for me, offering the incentive that what he’s about to see will either be really cool or really funny.  How’d this turn out? 

Q:  Who just nailed a set of six incline dumbbell presses with 115 lbs. this past weekend?

A:  MEEEEE!!!!

 At this rate, I’m about to run out of weight I can use, so I’ll probably have to jump over to the incline barbell press fairly soon.  Now, I could always start increasing the volume of my lifts (eventually pushing it up to a set of 12), but my goal is to increase strength, not size.  What good is it to look like you can tear someone’s arms off unless you can actually do it? 

In the interests of increasing total-body strength, there’s a few things I’m doing lately that I haven’t been doing much before.  First:  deadlifts.  They are, to my knowledge, the best thing available for the posterior chain.  In addition to recruiting calves, hamstrings, quads, and glutes (everything in the legs and the posterior core motor units), it also engages everything from the forearms to the traps.  In fact, it turns out that the weakest link in this whole affair appears to be my grip.  An alternate grip (one hand pronated, the other suppinated) seems to help somewhat with heavier weight, but apparently a stronger grip is critical to a better deadlift.

Next:  instead of seated vertical presses, I’ve started doing actual military presses.  This requires standing up, which makes this harder because it requires recruitment of core motor units to stay upright.  It also has the advantage that it compresses the spine less.   Partly due to the limitations of the facilities I use, instead of starting with the bar already at shoulder level, I perform a power clean to get it into position.  The eventual goal is to move on to a clean and jerk:  explosive movements for greater strength gains. 

That should be enough to keep me busy for a couple of days.

Sensitivity and Farewell to a Good Friend

A real man is sensitive. If he isn’t sensitive enough, he starts to build up fat concentrations, especially in his midsection. I refer, of course, to insulin sensitivity, which allows you to convert food to energy more directly. Any other kind of sensitivity pretty much makes you a chick.

The quest for definition requires having enough muscle and sufficiently little fat for said muscle to show through.  Abs of steel require insulin sensitivity; abs are pretty much made in the kitchen, not on mats at the gym.

Greater insulin sensitivity requires making dietary changes.  Reducing my intake of carbs, especially refined carbs, is something I should be doing anyway.  The biggest offender in my life, though, is my good friend that has been the impetus for so much hi-larity in my life:  beer.  I feel like we’ve become closer than ever, but I think that’s the problem.  My good friend beer is all of the following:

1.  High-glycemic;

2.  Estrogenic (which is fine if you like man-boobs.  Don’t get me wrong; I love boobs.  Real ones are awesome, artificial ones can be money well-spent… sorry, I got sidetracked by boobs); anyway, and

3.  Terrible for insulin sensitivity.

Much as I hate to say it, it seems like it’s time for a temporary parting of ways.  I guess this means no crying in my beer, but that’s okay; the only acceptable times to cry are when Old Yeller dies and if you’re ever at the receiving end of that thing with the glass rod and hammer.

Flying High Again

It is occasionally evident that, buried under layer-upon-layer of muscle, testosterone, and aweseome, I do have a soft side, so there’s no point in denying it.  I have often said, actually, that you don’t love a person because they’re beautiful; they’re beautiful because you love them. 

In fact, that’s where the Morning After Test comes into play.  When you can wake up and see this person at their absolute worst, complete with birdnest hair, morning breath, and a bit of drool in the corner of their mouth, and think that this person is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever laid eyes upon, that’s how you know.  It’s a sight you would gladly wake up to every day of your life and fall a little more in love every time. 

It’s a great feeling, and I’m ready to go public with a major revelation, although I’m sure you’ve already guessed that I’m there now, ready to commit the rest of my life to the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen:  MEEE!!!!

Hi. I rule.

I’ve started this to document my workout methodology, to chart my progress, to discuss new techniques and their impact, and to make fun of people whose approaches I disagree with. I can be a loudmouth, but it’s all in fun; we’re all friends here. Except for that kid who was singing along with Sister Hazel at the gym; you’re doing it wrong. Go do front squats until I get tired.

I’m in pretty good shape by most any account, but I’m always challenging myself to get better. I am not a professional; I keep my ears open to people who clearly know more than I do and I have a decent natural aptitude for biological sciences.

My techniques are subject to revision, but my philosophy leans toward full-body movements and eschews trendy gimmicks (no matter how popular), but does not ignore good science. What I am pretty stridently opposed to:

1. High reps to “cut” muscle. This just doesn’t work. You get definition by having low enough body fat that muscle can show through. High-rep work will help build type I (slow-twitch) muscle fiber, which does have benefits (muscular endurance), but if the goal is to get definition, this can be counter-productive because you will actually lose some of the mass you do have. With less muscle mass, there’s less of it to show through your fat layer… see the problem?

2. Pumping. It makes you look awesome. For an hour. Then all the extra blood leaves your muscles and you look just like the girlie-man who walked into the gym earlier. It’s a waste of time and energy if you want real gains.

3. Relying on elaborate pieces of equipment to isolate individual muscles in every way possible. Who would win in a fight between a caveman and a yuppie who takes full advantage of every piece of Hammer Strength equipment that his $1000/year gym has to offer and Spin classes while spending ungodly amounts of money on difficult-to-pronounce supplements? The caveman didn’t get big and strong with fancy techniques; he had a big fucking rock he picked up and threw, and his diet consisted entirely of whole foods. That’s not to say that modern science hasn’t taught us a lot of ways to get big and strong while making our activities safer, but there are a lot of gimmicks out there with little scientific backing that really just waste our time. Big, macro movements are the basis for anyone who wants real gains. Which is also not to say that everyone should eschew all isolation work, but that should supplement, not replace, the big, full-body movements.

4. Relying on advice from people whose approaches clearly do not work as well as mine.

5. Singing along out loud to Linkin Park or Sister Hazel at the gym.

Any journey has to start somewhere, so my baseline is my measurements for the week (in pounds and inches, respectively):

Weight: 198

Upper arm: 15 1/2

Forearm: 13 1/4

Bust: 42 1/2

Thigh: 23

Calf: 15 3/4

My goals for next week: get a cloth tape-measure so that the measurements are more accurate .